People and organisations usually include trust and respect in their list of important values. They go hand in hand.
Earning trust and respect is a key requirement of leaders, isn’t it?
Yet so often people complain that those values are breached or missing.
We cannot expect that trust and respect is granted automatically because of one’s position.
We as leaders must learn how to earn trust and respect, if we are to succeed in our role.
As a professional coach, trainer, facilitator and consultant I have a primary duty to rapidly earn the trust and respect of the people I serve, and I therefore have the same responsibility as any leader.
What I’ve had to learn is to demonstrate consistent care and competence. One breach and trust and respect is diminished.
I then have to work extra hard to recover, beginning with an apology, immediately apply whatever remedy is required, and then maintain the consistency of care and competence. Even then regaining full trust and respect may not always be complete.
The first rule I learned was to give trust and respect to those from whom I seek it.
I do that by demonstrating in the first instance that I care about them, seek to understand and listen to them and then act competently in delivering my service.
People want to feel that they are trusted and respected, no matter their role or position.
People test that you do care and that you are competent and that you are consistent in both.
We must remember that a person is a sovereign entity and is owned by nobody. Nothing but force can change that. Therefore people will choose to follow only those whom they trust and respect.
We can earn trust and respect by the consistent correct practice of value-based behaviour, including:
- Treating all others as we would wish to be treated.
- Demonstrating active care for them.
- Modelling the behaviour we seek from others.
- Listening to what others have to say.
- Honouring others right to an opinion.
- Honouring our word.
- Encouraging and facilitating others to contribute to the shared values vision goal or task.
- Recognising and acknowledging others’ achievements.
- Not accepting a person's unacceptable behaviour, yet remaining respectful of the person.
- Distinguishing between respect and popularity.
- Ensuring our tonality and body language is respectful and engaging.
- Honouring all others' sovereignty of their self.
- Being fair and not favouring others over someone else.
- Being inclusive.
- Not wasting energy on blaming.
- Remaining as calm and centred as possible.
Whilst the above list may appear difficult to remember and practice, it can be reduced to four particular understandings and thus easier to live. Those understandings are:
- "We are not our behaviour or performance, therefore we deserve to be treated respectfully at all times, no matter what."
- “We must set the example of consistent care and competence”
- "Recognise and immediately acknowledge desirable behaviour, performance and outcomes, and deal immediately and respectfully with what’s unacceptable."
- "We can deal with the unacceptable by asking respectful, timely and appropriate questions"
When you show others that you consistently respectfully deal with great as well as unacceptable behaviour, performance and outcomes, most people will naturally reciprocate by improving their behaviour, performance and outcomes.
If you have lost the trust and respect of others, they will only then follow you because they fear something or someone, and they are unable to be their best.
hen trust and respect are not present at desired levels, the following are the symptoms in an organisation or relationship:
- Withheld and broken communication.
- Integrity breaches e.g. disobedience, absenteeism, safety breaches, and lesser performance.
- Lowered morale and increased stress.
- Departure of talent.
If you have broken trust and respect, you must work hard and authentically to regain it, or otherwise vacate your position.
You can work to regain trust and respect by following this process, adapting it to suit the circumstances:
- Confront the situation open and honestly and authentically apologise for the incident – do not make excuses; accept full responsibility explaining exactly what you did to cause the event, so that they know you understand what you’ve done.
- Take the best possible remedial action immediately, producing evidence of your remedy.
- Confirm what you’ll be doing from now on to re-earn their trust and respect and do that consistently with care and competence.
- In time expect that there’ll be improvement.
- You must remain courageous, humble and firm in your resolve to behave in the manner that re-earns their trust and respect, no matter how long it takes.
- You must never again compromise your position, nor give in to attempts to weaken your resolve.
- Never confuse being liked for trust or respect.
What other ideas or thoughts can you contribute to this?
